I dont even know where to start. Quick outline.
1. turns out that marriage proposal didnt count since she was drunk. (see following for explanation)
2. On Valentines Day I got hired at ADP. Finally no more TWC!
3. Moved in with April the week I started working at ADP.
4. We lived in harmony for a few weeks.
5. Things began to crumble and she hardly talked to me or kissed me or anything.
6. Sometime in April she asked me to move out and she broke up with me. I thought i was going to die.
7. The next day as devastated as I was I went to work. Cried when I needed to and decided to move on with my life and the plans I'd made before we met.
8. We talked a week later after she sent me a message on myspace giving me her explanation for breaking up with me.
9. I asked her to meet me because I needed to talk to her about things.
10. We met and things went well. I stuck up for myself and told her that she wasnt the only one that was unhappy.
11. That triggered her to want me again.
12. She asked me to marry her a week later and gave me an engagement ring.
Things have been going well since then. As a matter of fact she asked me if i wanted to move back in in Feb. I was kind of hesitant to answer because I dont want it to be like last time. Then she said what I had beeen thinking. I still didnt give a definite answer. I'm scared of things ending up like they did before. We were more like roommates than lovers. I really do want to live with her again. I mean we're engaged for crying out loud, we've got to do it someday. Its just hard because this is a small house and its hard to find privacy when one of us wants it, especially if a 5 year old is demanding your attention. Oh well we're gonna have to have a scary talk about it and get it figured out. One thing we agreed on when we got back together was that we have to learn to talk to eachother about things that are bothering us. I'm working on it...I dont think she's ever really had a problem with it.
We go through this pattern every now and then where something will happen, usually to her, to make this relationship kind of depressing. She'll start to distance herself from me, I'll notice and not say anything because I think its something I did, not remembering that she's going through a hard time at work and her focus is on that and not me or us. Sometimes I wonder if its fair to me to have to accept that. For instance, she almost lost her job last week. I know that is definitely something to freak out about and i freaked out about it with her. I was ready to be the one to help her out with whatever she needed. And she needed me it seemed. So I've been here for her. Well turns out that they're going to try to keep her as long as possible. Things are still a little weird at work for her though cuz she knows about all this stuff that is going to happen and she cant do anything about it.
I guess it just bothers me that a month ago we went from total affection and cant keep our hands off of eachother passion to her not kissing me and that distance thing happening again. I'm writing this from her office. She's asleep with Santiago. He wanted me to comeover to play with him and sleep over. She kind of seems like its bothering her to have me here. But last week she had no problem with me coming over and sleeping over every other night practically. I dont know maybe its the Chantix. We read that it could alter her mood and do all kinds of shit to her.
I get panicky because this is the pattern that we followed before she broke up with me. I guess I"m paranoid. I should probably talk to her about it. Now i'm just starting to be redundant. I just hate feeling like this. I dont like coming over and having to sleep by myself. Thats why i'm here now at this moment. Well I guess I'll go try to read so I can go to sleep.
